I often forget how easy it is to NOT have a great conversation. By the time I talk to you first thing in the morning, I’m already juggling a brain full of thoughts, my calendar is dragging me onward, I see someone else I also need to catch ... and you have a bit of bagel stuck in your teeth.

Stop. Not a rolling stop, but a full, pause-all-else mental stop and then focus on the person speaking. Looking at him or her helps. Tunnel vision, if necessary, to keep eye contact. The ultimate challenge: Have a truly romantic conversation in a TV sports bar. Could you? Would your date agree?

Try this listening test …

Participants in a listening study averaged seven mental distractions a minute. Score your distraction rate in your next one-on-one conversation. Are you seven or less? Active listening requires proactively refocusing on the speaker every time your attention wanders. Are you with me?

Now ask a question. Questions are the lifeblood of a great conversation. Think of it like a tennis match; each time you ask a question, the ball goes into the other person's court. The most energetic and interesting tennis matches (conversations) include a lot of volleying (questioning) back and forth. Without questions, it’s just one person repeatedly hitting the ball over the net to an empty court. Boring.

Think of the people you really enjoy engaging in conversation. I bet they're great listeners and askers.

I recently realized my distraction rate was low with adults, but often off the scale when my kids talk to me about their day. There were numerous stop sign moments and I'd inattentively blown right through them. My loss. I'm paying attention again.

So, what's your distraction rate? Can we talk?